He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
