she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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