Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
