why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
