I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
