wakey wakey hands off snakey
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
