Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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