He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he shaved USA in his pubs
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
