Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
