and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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