some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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