About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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