I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
