I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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