Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
