Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
