I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
