you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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