I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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