there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
