He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
