no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
