Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
