I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
