This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
