I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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