Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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