i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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