If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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