I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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