Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
