i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
