Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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