I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
