What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
