I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
