He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
