you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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