I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
