We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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