i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
