My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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