i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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