a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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