I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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