Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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