I accidentally burped into my bong.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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