Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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