I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
