as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
