I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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