I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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