a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
