We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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