wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
