Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
